put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dignity is for republicans.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
