i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
