dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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