Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sobbing to NWA
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