they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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