she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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