My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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