Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Success! We fucked roommates!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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