your parents love me but you hate me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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