so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
