Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
