i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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