oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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