I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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