If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
