just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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