I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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