If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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