Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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