I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
