i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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