Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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