Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
