I just threw up on my dentist
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
