blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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