we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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