I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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