You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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