the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
