Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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