i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
