Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
