Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
