I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
