lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
