Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
