Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
