his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
