i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
