why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
