flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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