i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
