I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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