maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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