Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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