Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
