Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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