I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
