Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
