he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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