we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
