Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
